How To: Start the Party

Favorite Halloween Costumes Seen in Chicago:
1. Elliot and ET (aka Kevin Wilson)
2. Alan and baby Carlos from The Hangover
3. Guy wearing a throw rug on his shoulders while taking pictures of us who gave me a can of beer on the Red Line/ was he on crack?
4. 60s alien with cone head voice (aka Mallory Laurel)
5. The cast of Candyland
6. Jamaican bobsled team
7. Soot-covered, umbrella-wielding Mary Poppins
8. Anorexic Lindsay Lohan (aka Maggie Graber)
9. Girl dressed up as a rabbit with an inflatable "magician's hat" around her waist
10. A gold digger. Oh wait, that was the worst costume I saw. Girl wearing a gold mini dress carrying a shovel. I saw the shovel and was like... could that be... a hoe? Is she trying to be a hoe? Is she trying to be ironic? Oh, no. It's a shovel.

Some people might look at our Halloween from their lives of glitz and glamour and say, "THEY HAD A LAME HALLOWEEN." They might think this for a number of reasons. True, we conspired to have a giant fiesta birthday party for MATT THOMAS! but then forgot to invite anyone other than Mallory and Sean. We also forgot to buy anything necessary for a party, but that's okay, because we forgot to invite people too. Matt Thomas's birthday party had originally held lofty expectations. We were thinking bobbing for apples, a little Billy Blanks Jr. kardioke, color your own Matt Thomas or pin the beard on Matt Thomas, various holiday treats and activities... but yeah, when Friday night rolled around, all we had was four bottles of beer and an ever-dwindling bucket of pumpkin seeds (ONCE YOU POP THAT PUMPKIN YOU CAN'T STOP!). We did have two nice pumpkins, carved on Thursday night. Brandy made an "oh my god!" pumpkin, aptly named because it looks like the pumpkin just said that. I made a sexy clown pumpkin. It looks like a clown and says the word "SEXY" on the back. It was a cool idea until I realized that our Korean neighbors and their two small children would only see the word "SEXY" illuminated in fire if we put the pumpkins on the front porch.

So since our party had nothing, I decided to bake a birthday cake for Matt Thomas. But then Matt Thomas decided he wanted to be Radiohead so he had band practice and we just all ate his cake. And when I say we ate his cake, I mean that I ate his cake, and Mallory helped.

But no, we did not spend our entire pre-Halloween night watching Scream 3 on MTV and eating birthday cake without the birthday boy. That only accounted for most of the night. When Billy Mays, a French man, and Sookie from True Blood showed up, we decided to confront Logan Square's hippest establishment: The Whistler. The Whistler is this super super super trendy bar around the corner. People come from near and far to stand around in its dark small spaces and look cool and drink PBR and expensive drinks. Sometimes bands come and do super hip shows that "say" things and "mean" something. Each time I have been to the Whistler, I am very bored, except the time that Mallory snuck in pizza that some guy had given her for free on her way in.

Tonight was the Whistler's "funk and soul" night, so we decided to give it a chance, even though the damn bar usually lets us down. And sure enough, we walk in and funk music is pulsating through the joint and no one is dancing. So Mallory turns to the bouncer and asks if it's okay to dance. I respect the fact that she asked this. We had to be sure that we weren't violating some sort of actual written code in the Whistler's rules, such as "Thou shalt not dance ever" or "Thou shalt not have fun." But according to the bouncer, dancing was actually allowed, so WE DID IT. And to our excitement, a few souls popped out of their darkened corners and joined us. It was like those 10 people had been waiting their whole lives for a dance party to break out at the Whistler. They actually did thank us for giving them the opportunity. People would walk into the Whistler and be totally caught off-guard, like "WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY FAVORITE BAR AND WHY AREN'T THE PEOPLE MOPEY?" But then they would put on their judgement faces and go into the corner. The thing about a judgment face is that it's actually the same as a jealousy face. WHAM!

We also had the opportunity to assist in starting a party on Monday night. On Monday night... Brandy, Mallory, and I did something very exciting. WE WENT TO AN ISRAELI HIP HOP SHOW! I am continuously excited by my increasing experiences with Jewish culture. Before moving to Chicago, I think I had known two Jewish people. That's discounting the random guy who let me and Mike stay with him in New York City a few years ago and the lady in the dressing room next to me at Saks Fifth Avenue. But now! Suddenly! In Chicago! The number of Jewish friends I have has increased exponentially! In the Chicago Children's Theatre office alone, I know three Jewish people. And one of them took me to an Isreali hip hop night!

Yeah but it was really fun. I don't really know any "Jewish" dances. I don't really know if such a thing as a "Jewish" dance exists. So I was constantly wondering if I was giving away the fact that I was not Jewish or if I was acting like a paranoid ignoramus. Probably somewhere in between. I must have done something right to blend in, because after the opening act, I was given a very special opportunity. The opening act was named MC Zulu, and he was tight yo. When he finished his act, some dude next to me put his hand around my waist and whispered in my ear, "Come on girl. We gonna go meet Zulu." And then he whisked me away and forced me to meet MC Zulu. I'm pretty sure that I was being majorly used, as a woman, for this super fan to get closer to his hero. And I didn't even know what to say to MC Zulu, so I just shook his hand and said thank you. That was cool. That was how I met MC Zulu. And then we all danced to SOULICO, the end.

Note: Today I found like three entries that Brandy has started and never finished. She has promised to post them tonight. We'll see if that happens. And if it doesn't, I will emotionally abuse her until it does. Y'all are free to help. BYE!