Music Done Wrong, Music Done Right

Sorry about the lack of updates! This disaster has happened for a few reasons, including:
- my (Lisa's) internet does not work. I had been stealing it, but when the neighbors caught on, my fun ended really fast. After a month, I finally called the internet place... which I had been avoiding, because I knew it would involve a lot of "try this. no? try this. no?" from some rando who assumes I'm an idiot. And that IS what happened, although in reality, the end of this phone call still shocked me. After about 45 minutes and numerous troubleshooting tips, my homeboy Rashid just straight up goes "Okay. I've tried everything. Sorry. I can't do anything more. Bye!"... and that's why technology/outsourcing/telephones/Dells SUCK. But it's okay, because in one of my genius moments, I realized that I could hook up the ethernet cord up to my computer.

- other reasons: I've been super busy.

But! Last week I finally had the opportunity to fulfill one of my year-long dreams: GOING TO THE PIANO BAR 'HOWL AT THE MOON.' Now, if you've ever been to Howl at the Moon, you may be thinking, "Why the hell does she dream of going to Howl at the Moon?" But I had never been there so I was living in ignorance. All I knew is that last year, when I went to LA for Family Feud, all the other kids on my Family Feud team went to Howl at the Moon with the Texas team and, in their words, "HAD THE BEST TIME EVERRRR!!!!" And I love pianos. It's a piano bar. And no one would ever go to Dueling Pianos night at Legends with me. But lucky for me, my friend Maggie somehow won a private party at HOWL AT THE MOON on Thursday, October 21, so I knew that destiny was within my reach.

My anticipation for this night was immense. I even turned down a babysitting job to embrace it, which is telling because, newsflash, I STILL DO NOT HAVE A STEADY JOB (but things are looking brighter and I am no longer psychotic about it). Then again, since I STILL DO NOT HAVE A STEADY JOB, I was all about taking advantage of the free cover charge at HOWL AT THE MOON before 7:00pm, the two $1 drinks before 8pm, and the drink specials all night long. I forced Brandy and Kevin Wilson to come with me, and when it looked like we weren't going to make the 7pm cutoff time, I made them run. Damnit, I made them run. Through the pouring rain. Because it was that important.

Somehow, somehow we made it to Howl at the Moon just before the free cover charge turned back into a metaphorical expensive pumpkin. I proudly told the host lady that I was there for Maggie Culhane's party, and she mumbled something about Maggie already having a table in the back. So we went in.

I saw no one that I knew. Which was weird. But whatever, we sat down, in a corner, by ourselves. Got some margaritas. I texted Maggie to tell her I was the first one at her party.

Pretty soon she texted me back to tell me that HER PARTY WAS CHANGED TO THE NEXT DAY.

After all of that. After all of the labor, the running, the possible pneumonia, the hope, the anticipation -- nothing. Just me, Brandy, Kevin Wilson, and some really really crappy drinks that were so bad, Brandy asked the waitress if they were non-alcoholic.

And then. There was. The. Music.

When I think of piano bar, I like to imagine some creativity. Some variations on Billy Joel, but also just some branching out. I like to imagine piano artists doing what they love, with flair. I like to imagine that these people do not hate their lives, that these people are not judgmental, that these people will play our requests for Britney Spears and Lady Gaga, and that these people will not creepily make eyes at my friend Kevin so intensely that I fear he will be killed and stuffed into a garbage bag before the night is over. These are just thinks that I like to think about piano bars. These things are things that did not happen at Howl at the Moon.

The only request we got in was Bob Seger's "We've Got Tonight," and I'm pretty sure they only chose it because, oh yeah, Thursday is official 'Cougar Night' at Howl at the Moon. I personally requested it in honor of my friend MK, who thinks it is the most awkward song to play at closing time at a bar, and I agree. In hindsight, I probably should have gone with Nightmoves, because no one seemed to appreciate "We've Got Tonight," except for this chick in sequins that the piano player kept flirting with. I decided that I might be her for Halloween. I'd just wear sequins and flirt with piano players and be annoying, it would be the best costume ever.

We left Howl at the Moon, and I don't know if I will ever go back.

LUCKILY, that bar experience was completely redeemed by a good music experience on Friday night! We went to a bar in Wicker Park for a Variety Night, where MATT THOMAS! was playing with his friend JASON! and some OTHER PEOPLE! and they were doing covers of old soul songs. YES. YES. YES. Interspersed between their jam sessions, random people dressed as nurses came on stage and did mime routines, and one guy told stories under the guise of some sort of sexual predator-vampire-Jason Schwartzmann character. And then the mountain people came! I don't know how to describe them other than saying they were a band of mountain people! At the end of the night, one of them gave me a light up visor. I didn't know they had that kind of electricity in the mountain lands!


Other things that have happened in our Chicago lives lately:
- Our cat murdered a mouse and then ate everything except its spine, which it left on the kitchen floor for us in the morning.
- Sasha, Mallory, and I got trapped in an elevator with a bunch of hipsters after seeing Where the Wild Things Are. When you are trapped in an elevator with a bunch of hipsters, you might not be saved, but you will at least be surrounded by many witty references to Speed, Keanu Reeves, and Fandango.
- I might be dancing at a Bat Mitzvah! My first Bat Mitzvah. YES.
- NBC Comedy Thursdays!
- I found a picture of Audrey Hepburn in a dumpster and stole it.
- Oh yeah, I went to a career fair. Mostly what happened was that weird recruiters invaded my space and I decided I didn't want to work in insurance. Woop!

Exercise.

We've stayed pretty busy lately, which is why this blog has been updated --- nary at all! What have we been doing? So much! So much! Brandy got a job, which I think she will describe in greater detail later. Lisa got rejected by many jobs, which she will probably never discuss in greater detail because it makes her feel worthless. Notice how I just wrote in third person in order to displace my own pain. But it's okay! Perhaps there are brighter days ahead! Or perhaps there aren't.

Anyway.

I want to talk about some of my adventures in bike riding, but first, I think everyone should enjoy a clip from the latest fitness routine that Brandy and I have been using. After a tough day involving chasing buses and knocking on their windows as they moved in order to gain entry and watching Notre Dame lose to USC and selling $134 worth of friendship bracelets at the Chicago Children's Theatre gift shop, all I wanted to do was go running. But it was dark outside and that felt unsafe. So. Brandy and I decided to find a workout video using Comcast OnDemand.

DID WE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

After you watch that, I encourage you to watch the related videos of "Don't Cha" and "Cardioke Slide." It will probably help you understand our lives in Chicago better, and you will also whip yourself into shape!

CARDIOKE IS THE GREATEST INVENTION OF ALL TIME

Yes but in other adventures, the other day I was riding my bike and a voice popped into my ear out of nowhere as I was moving. In a heavy Irish accent, I heard,"Eh miss 'er's somethin' wrong with yer tyre!" And sure enough, I looked back, and THERE WAS AN IRISH MAN RIDING HIS BIKE ALONGSIDE ME. And then I looked down and sure enough, MY TIRE WAS DEMONIZED. So I pulled over to the side of the road and abandoned my bike right there (after locking it, of course) and just hopped on a bus. I was so scared. But now I am somewhat spoiled by public transit. Because frankly... I did NOT look cool on a bike. You know how city bike riders are super cool? In their super cute pink and blue trendy Zooey Deschanel helmets? Or helmet-less, windswept hair, fixed gear bikes, leaning forward with messanger bags? Always moving forward at a brisk speed, whipping around cars with ease, proving that green transportation trumps a car any day? Yeah, I've never looked like that. I pass storefront windows and I notice myself. My mountain bike makes me sit straight up. And I can't ride fast. And my helmet is literally the dorkiest thing ever. It's not cute and it's not hardcore. It's just somewhere in the middle... like leisurely... 90s... 10 year old... neighborhood... biker. So anyway, yeah, I really want to fix my bike, but I'm enjoying looking like a real city girl on public transportation with my newspapers and books.

Another sport I've decided to take up is crossword puzzles. I've just never done them. I think it would be a good skill. I realize I am about 6 years behind most people my age, which is why I'm not going to do it competitively. This is going to be something I do for myself. I tried to go to a raucous Notre Dame game watch the other day at a bar. I imagined middle-aged men throwing beer around, spilling it on me, and generally creating a ruckus. This did not happen. This is when I realized that I was imagining watching TV in a pub in Ireland and not Chicago. Chicago: it is not all drunk people and sunshine and rainbow dreams. Sometimes, it is just a few young professionals watching a heart-wrenching game in a trendy bar. Sometimes it is getting sprayed with all-purpose cleaner by your roommate. Sometimes it is being rejected by a job everyone said you were going to get.

But sometimes? Sometimes Chicago is when your roommate brings you donuts and a (another) random man gives you and Mallory free pizza and you get to see The Room in the theater for free! So it's okay.

LAZY TUESDAY

[ Brandy with her mysterious bust. Ha. Mysterious bust. But seriously, I don't know which Roman this is. Let's just call him Amelia Earhart]



[ Shower time! Ha. Damnit. Another ambiguous caption]


[ This is our kitchen! This is where the magic happens! When I say magic, I mean burnt cinnamon rolls]



[ THIS KIND OF MAGIC! Two hours. Two. Hours]



[ Brandy's new credit card is a visual representation of the new Shakira song, "She-Wolf"]

Recent Mistakes Made by Me, My Family, and Those Around Me

Ahh, autumn. As the leaves change and the air becomes cooler and crisper, I find myself making more and more mistakes in my every day life. I do not know the meaning of the correlation, or if there is any causation. But it is fall! The equinox has passed! And so much is happening!

This past weekend, I learned all about taking taxi cabs IN THE CITY! My previous taxi cab experience has been limited to:
- sitting quietly in the backseat of a Spanish taxi, by myself, and silently praying that the cabbie wouldn't rip me off because no hablo espanol
- cursing in broken French at an Italian cabbie after he ripped me off because I no speak ITALIAN
- drunkenly tossing 2-3 dollars at cabbies in South Bend after another night at Fever

Thus, the opportunity to take a taxi cab IN THE CITY was quite exciting, albeit unexpected. Apparently, sometimes your own mother just can't make it to pick you up and drive you to your cousin's wedding. But then again, if she will foot the bill for the cab ride to the suburbs, I'll take it.

My cabbie was named Luis R., and I know his full name, but I think it's best to protect his identity. He was great. Even though he had no idea where La Grange, my destination, was. Whatever, we figured it out. We also started talking about marriage a lot... Luis was from Guatemala, and his wife is from Bulgaria and speaks 6 languages. They've been married three years, and he says their secret is "gentle tolerance and humility." After hearing that I didn't have a job, Luis encouraged me to become his French tutor or just a general teacher at his community college. He also told me that armed security guards are in the back of every class to protect "people like you" aka people like me. So maybe that will work out.

Other important city life information that I have recently learned FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
- Brie that comes in a can and is sold from a refrigerator in the back of your local liquor store should not be trusted.
- Baking cinnamin rolls for two hours will ruin them and increase the threat of house fire.
- Everyone wears shoes to jazz class in the city.
- EQUAL NUMBERS OF BOYS AND GIRLS PARTICIPATE IN JAZZ CLASSES IN THE CITY.


On Sunday, my theater had their gala opening for The Hundred Dresses, the play they're putting on right now. Afterward, I was put in charge of the coloring activity (after I was originally put in charge of hand games and tearfully begged to be switched because all I know is Stella-Ella-Ohla). The task? The children were supposed to create a crazy costume for a male character, Willie Bounce, or a dress for the poor immigrant girl, Wanda. Because kids are more clever than me, here is a sampling of what we got:
- A Captain Underpants Willie Bounce with a Star of David across his chest
- A Cowboy Vampire Movie Director Willie Bounce with bloody fangs
- A Massacre Dress: complete with dripping blood, bullet holes, and a girl holding a butcher knife
- The Man Dress: where a kid made a giant smiley face on the front of it -- oh WAIT, that's not a smiling mouth, that is a GIANT PENIS in the anatomically correct area

Children. On the other hand, the show has been getting excellent reviews, both from the Tribune and the Sun-Times. My boss was so happy yesterday that she busted out the champagne. Woo woo!

In job-related news, I am currently the manager of a weekend gift shop, a once-a-week babysitter, and I have strong prospects to work at an espresso bar-crepe palace run by some Eastern European men. I am looking forward to taking dance classes, writing more, and maybe getting a job or marketing/publicity internship in the future. Does that make me sound like I have goals in life? Does it sound convincing? I HOPE SO!

Sorry if I have been distant and isolating during this transitionary time in my life. This always happens during transitionary times in my life, and soon it will pass, and I will return to my normal jovial self.

LOVE, LISA!

P.S. More pictures to come soon