Ode to Dinosaurs and Donuts

At least 15 years have passed now, to the point where I feel comfortable talking about the fact that I used to watch Barney. Yeah. I did. Thinking about it brings back memories of intense shame, and I can remember thinking that I was way too old to be watching Barney. I was like 6. Maybe 7. But Barney was the GO-TO insult of the elementary school. It was the death blow. All a cool kid had to do was hum the bars to that "I love you" song, replace 'love' with 'hate,' and boom. Instant street cred, instant coolness. So, naturally, I kept my Barney watching on the dl at school.

I would make my sister watch it so that I could watch it. But in hindsight, I mean, HELLO. I was like 7. There were like 13 year old girls on that show (Lucy). Clearly it was not only aimed at toddlers. Clearly they were baiting second grade girls with their use of cool tweens for us to look up to (Lucy).

The other day, I played my same old tricks on the baby. Yeah that's right HEY BABY INSTEAD OF THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE TODAY YOU SHOULD WATCH BARNEY and I will be right here next to you also watching it. So that I can reminsce about my childhood and wonder what happened to that little black boy with the glasses or Hispanic Tina or Kathy with the annoying teddy bear or Alex or wait is that me mixing up Ghostwriter characters those were completely different shows WHATEVER we watched Barney. And the baby HATED it. It is not a show for babies. He was so freaked out. Everyone was talking too fast. And singing. Oh, and the whole "watch the stuffed dinosaur blow up into a scary, lifesize monster" thing didn't sit well with him either.

But anyway, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY!! I got a groupon for discounted dance classes, so obvi I was all over that. And when I go to research the dance studio... I FIND THIS:

instructor bios

Pia Hamilton

Owner, Instructor

Pia has been dancing since the age of 3. As a kid, Pia played the character "Min" on the popular children's television show, "Barney and Friends". Pia continued to dance throughout high school and college, receiving numerous awards and trophies, including scholarships to study in New York and Los Angeles. She has studied with the renowned Paula Morgan, with whom she assisted internationally in Italy, Canada, as well as in the U.S.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THEY WENT ON TO BECOME SUCCESSFUL ADULTS! I am going to finally get to dance and, if I decide to ignore that it is a dance class and be super creepy, sing with one of Barney's friends of Barney and Friends. Completely without any sarcasm, can I just say I am totally STOKED? THIS IS FRUIT AND NUTZ!

In other 90s flashbacks, last weekend was PUMPKINFEST! What is Pumpkinfest? Oh just a holiday I made up, no big deal. I went home to Valpo to do pumpkin things with Laura and Maggie, but luckily those things did not include watching the Christina Ricci film Pumpkin. But they did involve pumpkin lattes, pumpkin patches, pumpkin slingshots, pregnant goats, pumpkin seeds, and pumpkin Heidi Montags. Also, Pumpkinfest included me wearing my 1997 Popcorn Princess sash and tiara all around the Lake County pumpkin patch. This was done because Laura and Maggie told me to. But let's face it, we all know that I wanted to relive the glory days, right? Again, let me reiterate that I am no longer ashamed of my guilty pleasures of the 90s and/or today. But the weird part was that NO ONE SAID A DAMN WORD TO ME about my outfit. How can anyone let some washed up county princess parading around a public farm in an aged tiara and sash pass by without a word? No, "Oh you were the Popcorn Princess?" No "What is that?" No "Why are you wearing that, psycho?" No requests for autographs? What is wrong with my state? What is happening to country folk when THEY CAN'T EVEN EMBRACE OR MAKE FUN OF ANYONE ANYMORE? ???????????

But seriously, another good part of Pumpkinfest was pumpkin donuts. I drove for miles to get those. They were worth it. Then again, it seems like donuts are the only thing worth anything to me these days. Today I had two. But it's no big deal, one of the moms I work for is a dietician, and she told me that you can't get diabetes just by eating a ton of sugar.

On that note, I was medically cleared by the Peace Corps! Yay! Good job, body! You did it! But now, more waiting, as expected, so in all actuality, no change really at all. HAPPY BELATED COLUMBUS DAY!